Wednesday, October 1, 2014

DAY 1: Fear of Loss--Breaking Down Walls

"The Lord is Close to the Brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Psalm 34:17


Losing a loved one is one of my greatest fears.  By the time I was a teenager, I had lost my aunt, two uncles, my cousin, my grandma, my great grandma, my first dog, two precious cats, and even my pet raccoon. 

Ricky the Raccoon:

Seven out of ten of these deaths were tragedies, and even though these losses happened long ago, I become very emotional just thinking about the love that was lost and the incredible pain that I felt.  I become even more saddened as I remember watching my mom and dad and other family members go through such agony.  Tears are falling as I type this.  It seemed that every time I turned around, someone close to me was dying.  Experiencing such pain and loss over and over caused me to put up walls of protection without even realizing it. 

Just recently, I learned that those so-called walls of protection were actually isolating me and producing fear.  I learned that I had been living my life not allowing anyone to get too close for fear that I would lose them.  I learned that I was also living my life fearing that something bad would happen to each person I loved, so I thought that if I kept my distance, I would be protected from getting hurt.   I allowed fear to stop me from having close relationships.  I allowed fear to stop me from trusting.  I allowed fear to stop me from being vulnerable.  I allowed fear to stop me from truly loving someone.  No more!   

Yes, losing loved ones is so incredibly painful but living out the rest of my life in isolation and fear is not what God has for me!  It's not what God has for you either!  If your heart is broken, God is near.  If your spirit is crushed, God is near.  Have no fear!

Today, Lord, I give my fear of loss to you!   Heal my wounds from the past and allow me to feel your powerful presence.  Mend the parts of my heart that are still broken piece by piece.  Restore the parts of my spirit that are crushed moment by moment.  Break this spirit of fear that controls me and keeps me from a life You've intended for me.  Break down my walls of isolation and help me to allow others in without always worrying about being too close and then losing them.  I want to be free from this fear!  I want to trust freely.  I want to love freely.  I want to be vulnerable.  I want my heart to be open!  Lord, shine Your healing light into my fear of loss and fill me with faith to walk confidently forward feeling your love and peace.  In Jesus' name.  Amen.

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