Thursday, October 23, 2014

Day 23: Fear of Admitting My Weaknesses--Have I Always Been Like This?

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
DAY 23:  Fear of Admitting My Weaknesses
"Weaknesses?  What weaknesses?  I don't have any weaknesses!"  said a perfectionist and at one point in my life...said me.
Since becoming a wife over 14 years ago, I've learned that indeed I do have weaknesses. 
And especially since becoming a mom over 6 years ago, I've learned about 100 more weaknesses that I didn't ever realize I had.  Is it me, or does having kids bring out issues...undesirable personality traits...and weaknesses that never used to be there before?
I feel like I was a perfectly wonderful person until I had kids.
Well, then, I was a perfectly wonderful person until I got married. 
So, you mean to tell me, I've always had these weaknesses then?
Oh man!
I've always been short-tempered, impatient, and selfish? 
I have? 
Ok, if you say so!
Becoming a wife and a mom has humbled me greatly.  I've learned to face my fears of admitting that I have weaknesses.  To a perfectionist that is only done by God's own Hand.  The good Lord Himself put a mirror up to my face and had me take a long hard look at the kind of person I was to my husband and to my kids. 
He made me take a close look at the example I was setting when I was so short-tempered when they would make a mess, spill something, or not listen to me the first time.  He made me take a close hard look at how impatient I would become if they wouldn't do something exactly the way I wanted them to do it or weren't moving fast enough for my liking.  He made me take a close hard look at how selfish I was towards my husband...always putting my own needs above his...always believing that my job as a stay-at-home mom was so much harder than his...always thinking "What about me?" 
Very humbling.  I do have fact, I have many.  I'm not fact, I'm far from it. 
God opened my eyes to see that not only was I not giving myself any grace for my own weaknesses, but then I also wasn't giving any grace to anyone else for theirs. 
My husband and my kids have fact, many.  My husband and my kids are not fact, far from it. 
 God said these powerful words to me:  
"You need to have as much grace for your husband and your kids as I do for you."
And with that, I've learned to give my fears of admitting my weaknesses to God.  I've asked Him to teach me to be more patient, loving and forgiving of myself and of others.   
I've learned to say "I'm sorry" A LOT!  I've learned to say "I don't know" A LOT!  I've learned to say the words "Stop climbing on that!"  Oh wait, that doesn't have anything to do with my weaknesses, but I do have to say that A LOT!
But the most difficult words that I've learned to say are:  "I was wrong." 
I don't even like typing it let alone saying it, but do you know how freeing those words have been for me?  I used to argue all day long trying to manipulate the conversation, twist words around, point the finger away from myself and towards the other person...I would do anything to prevent those words from coming out of my mouth.  I would even just walk away or give the silent treatment before I would admit I was wrong.  So not a good example for my kids.
It took One Good God, one husband, and not one, not two, but three kids to bring me down from my high horse (I must have been up there pretty high).  I'm so thankful that God used them to help me look closely at myself in the see myself for who I really face my weaknesses head be humbled before the good confess that I need to receive more and give more of His grace in my life.
Do you need to face your fear of admitting your weaknesses?  Do you need to be humbled before God to give and receive His grace?  Do you need to ask Him to change you? 

Father, today, I give the fear of admitting my weaknesses to You.  Each day fill me with more peace, more patience, and more selflessness.  Change me.  Continue to humble me, Lord.  I need it.  Help me to give as much grace to myself and to others as You give to me.  Thank you for using my weaknesses to continue molding me and shaping me to be Your servant.  You expose my weaknesses if I release my fears of allowing You in those dark areas of my being.  So, Lord, shine Your light into the fear of admitting my weaknesses.  Shine Your sufficient grace upon my face.  Fill me with faith to walk forward in confidence knowing that You will use my weaknesses to humble me and serve You.  In Jesus' name.  Amen.


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