This is Me: Completely and Totally Exposed...



"Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant."

Galatians 1:10

 

This post was originally part of the 31 Day Writing Challenge:  31 Fears to Conquer Through Faith--DAY 31:  Fear of Being Vulnerable
  

This is me.  No make-up on.  No forced smile.  No flat-ironed or hot-rolled hair.  No clothes.  No matching accessories.  Nothing.

 

Just me.

Naked.  Exposed.  Vulnerable.  

I'm imperfect.  I've made mistakes.  I continue to make mistakes.  I've hurt others.  I've hurt myself.  I've hurt God.  I've disappointed others.  I've disappointed myself.  I've disappointed God.   

Much of my life, I've learned to put on a happy face...to sweep things under the rug...to pretend like everything was ok.  Not out of being fake, but simply out of not wanting to burden others with my problems...or not wanting to face my own struggles...or not wanting to be judged because of my weaknesses...or not wanting to be vulnerable.  It felt uncomfortable. 

And so I didn't share what was really going on in my life.   It was lonely, and yet my silence gave me a false sense of security and power.  I just plain did not want to appear weak.  I did not want to be vulnerable.
 

Well, I think...I think I might have gotten over the fear of being vulnerable now! 

 

“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.”   Criss Jami

Throughout this 31 Day Writing Challenge, I've been very open and honest.  I've revealed very, very personal information about my life...my struggles...my insecurities...my doubts...my weaknesses...my worries...and, of course all of my fears.  I've shared about my fears of:

Loss

Failure

Conflict

Death

Illness

Being Alone

Aging

Success

Abandonment

Accidents

Being Less

Not Being Good Enough

Making Mistakes

Being Left Out

Being Judged

Broken Trust

Disappointment

Saying "No"

Saying "Yes"

Being Disappointed

Being Disappointing

Rejection

My Weaknesses

Not Being Liked

Hurting Someone

Stepping Out of My Comfort Zone

Being a Bad Mom

Being a Bad Wife

The Unknown

Change

Being Vulnerable

Honestly, I'm exhausted.  I feel very raw, naked, and exposed to the core.  In my mind, the goal in writing these blogs was to simply free myself from these fears.  That was my vision, at least.

I had no idea what God's vision was.  

His goal...His purpose was so much more than that.  Yes, He absolutely wanted to free me from these fears, but He also wanted to teach me about strength and that true strength doesn't come from pretending to have it all together or never making mistakes or being perfect all the time.  True strength comes from sharing my imperfections, admitting my weakness, and exposing the dark areas of my inner self.   

John 1: 4-5 says "Life itself is in Him, and this life gives Light to everyone.  The Light shines through the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it." 

God wanted to use my stories...use my vulnerability......use my fears to take me from a place of weakness to a place of strength...to take me from a place of darkness to a place of light.   His Light! 

Because God's Light shined in me, there was healing.  Because I have accepted His Light, I can truly surrender to His unconditional love, His undeniable mercy, His unbelievable forgiveness, and His unending grace. 

I have learned to love myself...be confident in who I am...accept the way that God created me...and feel worthy and deserving of God's goodness.  I have learned to love myself to the core...flaws and all. 

His Light shines in me and now it can shine through me.  By releasing my fears of being vulnerable and following God's lead by being so transparent, God was able to shine His Light through me onto you.  
 

He was able to use my stories to bless you, encourage you and inspire you on your own path in life.  God's plan for us is so much bigger than we ever realize, but we have to surrender to Him and be willing to be vulnerable.

Are you ready to release your fears of being vulnerable to Him?  Are you ready to accept the freedom that comes with being more open and honest about your life?

 

PRAY WITH ME:

Lord, today, I give my fear of being vulnerable to You.  Keeping everything inside of me is toxic.  There is freedom to be gained in the truth.  There is strength to be gained in being vulnerable.  Give me the courage to shout off the rooftops about all that You've done in my life.  Take away my fears of being rejected or judged or pleasing people and help me to focus only on pleasing You and Your mission for my life.  Lord, shine Your light into my fears of being vulnerable and help me to walk forward boldly and confidently knowing that through faith in You, You give me Light and the strength I need to shine within as well as shine to the world.  In Jesus' name.  Amen.

Start from the beginning of this journey of 31 Fears to Conquer Through Faith:  http://christineleeb.blogspot.com/2014/10/31-fears-to-conquer-through-faith.html