"Yet I am always with you.
You hold me by my right hand."
Psalm 73:23
Day 6: Fear of Being Alone
Since becoming a mom, I crave having time alone! Going to the grocery store without kids...bliss! I can focus and get lost in my thoughts and actually get everything that I'm supposed to get on my list. Having alone time that I seek out is wonderful. Being alone because of circumstances out of my control are totally different.
Flashback..flashback...I hated those dreaded junior high days when there was a group of people standing around in a circle talking and somehow...someone...always seemed to stand in front of me keeping me out of the circle. I understand that I was 4 foot nothing (and I'm not that much taller now), and I was probably easy to overlook, but I never liked it when someone would purposely leave me out. During those teenage years, it was awful to be left out of the circle or not to get invited to someone's party. The thought of being alone horrified me.
Over the last year, God has highlighted this fear in my life of being alone and standing on my own. Without giving you every detail of the entire story, let's just say that God gave me a choice...to stay in my comfort zone and continue doing something that I knew I wasn't called to do just so that I could keep my friends--so many wonderful women whom I grown close to or follow Him and risk being alone and possibly losing friends.
I have to be honest. I had to think and pray about this for a long time. My friendships mean a lot to me, and I didn't want to risk being alone. I didn't want to be left out of the circle yet again.
Staying in the circle meant safety...it meant nothing changing...it meant friendships staying the same...it meant comfort. That was definitely more appealing to me.
Stepping away from the circle meant the unknown...it meant lots of change...it meant possibly losing friendships...it meant risk...it meant being alone. Or was I?
The bible says many times that the Lord is always with us...that He will never leave us, so really, even if I did lose all my friends, I wouldn't be alone because God was always with me. And better yet, I would be following His Will and His Purpose for my life.
And so I chose to step out of the safe and comfortable circle. I chose to have faith in God and not have fear in being alone. I chose to follow God and risk being alone and God has blessed this path greatly. Did I lose friends? Yes. Am I sad about that? Yes. Am I alone? No. It's amazing how many friends I didn't lose. It's amazing how many friends were encouraging and supportive even though my path took me in a different direction. I'm so blessed to have those friendships in my life. And I've also been blessed with new friends too. God is so good and so faithful when we have faith in Him instead of succumbing to our fears.
Do you have a fear of being alone? Would you risk losing friends to follow God? Are you ready to risk being alone to do what God is calling you to do?
PRAY WITH ME:
Father, today, I give my fear of being alone to you. I know that you will never leave me nor forsake me. I know that you are always with me holding my hand and guiding me every step of the way. Allow that be enough for me. Allow me to be ok being alone with You. Don't let my fear of being alone stop me from following what You are calling me to do. God, You know how important my friendships are to me, but don't allow me to put those relationships above the path You have for my life. Help me to be prayerful in the choices I make. Help me to step out of the circle when you ask me to. Lord, shine Your light into my fear of being alone and give me the faith I need to walk confidently forward knowing that You are always with me and that I'm never alone! In Jesus' name. Amen.
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