Thursday, October 16, 2014

Day 16: Fear of Broken Trust: Letting Go of My Fears to Save My Marriage

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him
and He will direct your paths." 
Proverbs 3:5
Day 16:  Fear of Broken Trust-
If you were to put a list together of your top 5 things that matter to you most, what would they be?
Mine are: 
*Spirituality--having a committed and close relationship to Christ
*Service--being able to use my gifts and talents to serve God and others
*Achievements--accomplishing the goals that God has set before me (I also just love checking things off my check list)
*Loving Relationships--being close to my family and friends
*Trust--being able to trust others...believing in what they say and do

In the movies, "Meet the Parents" and "Meet the Fockers", Jack Byrnes stresses his importance of trust by creating the "Circle of Trust", and of course, his son-in-law, Greg, so desperately tries to be in it.  I love the part where Greg wakes up with a note pinned to him showing him being outside of the "Circle of Trust."  Made me laugh.

All kidding aside, though, trust is so important to me.  About six years ago after being married for 8 years, my marriage really struggled because of the lack of trust.  At that point, we were lacking a lot of things in our marriage, but trust was a huge part of our pain and discouragement. 

Through over a year of counseling, we learned that trust is very delicate.  It takes years to be earned, built upon, and solidified, and it only takes seconds to destroy. 

Once trust is broken, it takes, once again, years to earn back, build back, and change from a gooey mess into something solid.  If anything happens during that time-even little things- that breaks trust again, the process starts all over again.  It was so difficult.  Honestly, sometimes, we both felt like giving up, but we didn't.  We were parents now, so we persevered through the pain it took to put our marriage back together. 

For us, it literally felt like bringing trust back into our relationship was one step forward, and a million steps back.  It was so frustrating, and the fear of our precious trust being broken again was overwhelming.

Once trust was broken, the fear of the trust being broken again actually made the healing more difficult.  I was spending more time worrying about the trust being broken again--trying to prevent it--trying to control it.  It was exhausting.  It was unhealthy.  It was not building trust back at all.

I had to let go of the control.  I had to let go of the fear.  I had to remind myself that it was not my job to control my husband or make decisions for him.  That only made things worse. 

And so, as difficult as it was, I released my fears to God.  I realized that it was more important that I pray over our marriage--pray for protection over our marriage--pray for good choices made in our marriage--pray for God's blessings in our marriage. 

As soon as I stopped controlling and started praying, my fears of trust being broken started to fade away.  I realized that all I needed to do was trust God completely, and He would help my husband and I build the trust we had lost. 

Together, my husband and I worked towards earning each other's trust back; building a new foundation of trust and respect; and solidifying the trust in our marriage to create a more open, honest and loving union. 

It wasn't easy, but it was much easier once I made the decision to have more faith in our marriage and less fear.  Now, we are both more confident in each other.  Our marriage has more love, more respect, more joy, and I'm happy to say that we are both in the "Circle of Trust." 
To read our entire journey:  Never Give Up...Keep Trying

Do I still struggle with this fear?  Yes, at times.  But what do I do?  I pray.  I confess my fears to God and to my husband, and move forward.   

Are you ready to release your fears of broken trust to God?  Are you ready to let go of your control and allow God to work powerfully in your situation?

Father, today, I give You my fear of trust being broken.  Even though I may still have doubt at times, please help me to release my fears to You.  Help me to trust You with all my heart.  Help me to stop trying to control every challenge that I face and just allow You to do Your work and guide my path.  Help my heart to heal completely of the pain over trust being broken and open my heart to fully trusting again.  Father, shine Your light into my fear of broken trust and allow me to walk confidently forward with my heart full of faith and trust You with my marriage and with my life.  In Jesus name.  Amen.

No comments:

Post a Comment