Sunday, October 5, 2014

DAY 5: Fear of Illness--Sick of Worrying About Being Sick

“My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words.  Do not let them out of your sight,
keep them within your heart;  for they are life
to those who find them and health to one’s whole body.”
Proverbs 4:20-22
DAY 5:  Fear of Illness
How much time has my mind wasted on just worrying about having some mysterious illness?  How much time has my mind wasted worrying about one of my family members having some mysterious illness?  And how much time has my mind wasted worrying about my children having some mysterious illness or even a not-so-mysterious illness?  I don't know...A LOT!
I'm amazed that I have time to do or think of anything else with all of the fear and worry in my mind about illness.  The media does a great job instilling fear into all of us about everything.  I know that some of their cautions are very necessary, but others (probably most) are not.  Most of the time, I feel that the news simply uses fear tactics to scare people, especially women and moms, in order to boost sales in vaccines and other medications, but that's just my personal opinion.  Regardless of whether the fear is coming from the news or just from my own thoughts, it's all fear, and satan is using this fear to fill me with worry and distract my mind from God's word and truth. 
I have great fears over my own body becoming ill.  I've experienced the brain cancer scare when I became dizzy when I would lie down.  Thank God, it was just vertigo.  I've experience the breast cancer scare twice when they found lumps on my breasts.  Thank God, they were both cysts.  I've experience the ovarian cancer scare.  Thank God, it was just pain from kidney stones and dryness caused by breast-feeding.  As my husband and I get older, I worry about "what's to come." 

My mom has been cancer free for over 10 years.  When she had to undergo chemotherapy and radiation, that was a very difficult time for our family.  I can't imagine how difficult that was for her to go through.  Every year, she goes in for her annual PET scan, and I always fear that the cancer is going to return.  Thank God, it hasn't.  Both of my parents are aging, and as they get older, I worry about "what's to come."
The greatest worry I have is with my kids.  I've had huge fears over them getting sick since I first found out I was pregnant.  It was a miracle I got pregnant in the first place.  After years of trying,  my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage.  So, of course, when I finally became pregnant with my precious Benjamin, I worried the entire pregnancy that I would lose him too.  Then I had even more worry and fear because he had an enlarged kidney and the doctors were very concerned about it. Thank God, it was nothing.  Because I'm an older mom who also experienced infertility and a miscarriage, I was always labeled "high risk."  Thank God, all 3 of my children were born healthy.  I can remember so clearly each one of my children's precious little cries on the day they were born, and what a relief it was that they were here and healthy.  But the worries don't stop there.  In fact, they get worse.  As they get older, I worry about "what's to come." 
Are you seeing a pattern?  I am.  I am constantly worrying about "what's to come."  And worse, I'm allowing my fears to constantly think that the worst is to come.  I'm allowing my fears to take away the joy in the right now!  The truth is that I don't know what's to come.  Maybe I will experience a terrible illness (Heaven forbid).  Maybe my husband will (Heaven forbid).  Maybe my parents will (Heaven forbid).  Maybe one of my kids will (Heaven forbid).   Maybe...maybe...maybe...worry...worry...worry...fear...fear...fear!  It's just too much to worry about!  I have to turn these fears over to God, because I know that no matter "what's to come", God will be with me and give me the strength I need.   I just can't keep worrying about illnesses anymore!
Lord, I give my fear of illness to you today.  Please help me turn my ears to your words and keep them in my sight and in my heart at all times.  Lord, allow your words to bring health and life to me and to my family.  Lord, you love me.  You love my husband.  You love my parents.  You love my kids.  You love all of your children.  You know every hair on our heads and will take care of us through any storm.  Please help me to trust you no matter what's to come, Lord.  I know You go before me and You will be behind me and more importantly, You will be with me.  Father, shine your light into my fear of illness and fill me up with faith to walk confidently forward with joy and hope in my heart.  In Jesus name. Amen.

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