Monday, March 2, 2015

Why Women Should Love "50 Shades of Grey"

Three reasons why I've avoided talking about "50 Shades of Grey". 

1.  It's uncomfortable.
2.  It's uncomfortable.
3.  It's uncomfortable.

I've been like the parent who avoids talking to their kids about sex because it's too awkward, but then I realized that the mission of this blog is to bring you hope and shine God's light into your life by being as open and honest as I can about mine, so as uncomfortable as it may be, I just need to share my thoughts.

I apologize up front if you're tired of hearing about "50 Shades of Grey".  I know I am.  Trust me, I've been putting this post off for weeks now hoping that God would stop asking me to write about it...He hasn't.  

Hopefully I've procrastinated long enough and enough time has passed that you're ready to hear my perspective?  Perhaps that was the Lords plan all along... 

To be honest, though, I'm not sure why the Lord is asking me to share this considering I've not read the book nor have I seen the movie, but I guess because I do know what it's all about.  I mean...come on...everywhere you turn, someone is talking about it, right?  Sex sells.  That's just a fact in our society.  It gets attention...especially with something so controversial. 

So, why, as a woman, mom, wife, life coach, do I believe that every woman should love "50 Shades of Grey"?   Let's just be clear...I'm not at all saying that you should love the book or the movie itself (that's your call), but what I am saying is that you should love the opportunity that "50 Shades of Grey" can provide to you, your kids, and your marriage.  And that is...communication

Anything negative that happens in our world, God can use as an opportunity to shine His light.  "50 Shades of Grey" is scandalous and shocking but God's light can shine in this too if we allow it.  The silver lining behind this very "grey" cloud is that it's getting people to talk about sex.  Communicating about sex is the best thing we can do as women, wives, and moms.  It's the healthiest thing we can do.  It's the most biblical thing we can do. 

So, let's talk about it.  (crickets chirping...crickets chirping...) 

How about this, let me share with you 3 great opportunities that all the buzz of "50 Shades of Grey" can provide for you in the area of communication:

1.  It gives you an opportunity to talk to your kids about sex.  Now, my kids are still very young to know anything about "50 Shades of Grey".  They are still in the 50 shades of crayons phase, but it's never too early to talk to them about their private parts and how important it is to keep them private.  It's never too early to establish an open communication and constantly reminding them that they can talk to me about anything.  It's never too early to intentionally pray over their sexuality and relationships.  It's never too early to teach assertiveness and self-respect.

I hope you will take the opportunity to talk to your kids about sex no matter what age they are!  Just remember that if you don't talk to them, someone else will!

2.  It gives you an opportunity to talk to your husband about sex.  Sex is a very important part of marriage.  I know that, for most men, it is their primary love language.  The more that a couple talks about sex...the expectations, the likes, the dislikes, the desires, the frequency, the fantasies...the more love can be felt between them both.  Sex is important, necessary, healthy, and fun!  My marriage needs it to thrive and so does yours!  

I hope that you take the time to talk to your husband and have an honest conversation about sex. 

3.  It gives you an opportunity to "talk" to yourself about sex.  I struggle with being open about sex.  As a little girl, sex was bad and shameful and something that was never talked about.  Plus, when I gave up my virginity before I got married, I carried even more shame and guilt about it.  (You can read my story "I Shouldn't Have Worn White On My Wedding Day.)  It was incredibly difficult for me after I got married to just--all of the sudden--turn off a lifetime of those negative feelings.  It's been a struggle for me.  It's been a journey for me...and for my husband. 

I've had to pray and explore ways to break down the walls that I've spent years building.  I've had to pray about my sexual desires and take a closer look at my own sexual needs.  I've had to distinguish between my past views and my present personal preferences.  I've had to relearn God's intentions for sex.  I've had to invite Him to fill my heart with His purpose for sex.  I've had to become more in touch with my sexual nature.  I've had to be patient with myself as I've gained confidence to communicate my needs more.  I've really moved forward, but it has taken small steps and big prayers. 

I hope that you will take the time to reflect on your own sexual desires and how well you are communicating your needs.  More importantly, I pray that you always make sure that you are respecting yourself in the process. 

So whether you like "50 Shades of Grey" or not really isn't the focus here.  It's really about loving the doors of communication it has opened.  Whether it's creating a dialogue about it with your children no matter how old they are...whether it's having an honest discussion with your husband...or whether you use it as an opportunity to check in with yourself...your needs...your wants...your desires, please talk about sex. 

The bible says in Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." 

I truly believe that what satan intends for evil, God can use for good. 
How will you allow God's light and His goodness to shine into this area of sex in your own life?    

Lord, thank you for making all things good.  Thank you that we can turn our heads away from those things in this world that are uncomfortable to us, or we can allow them to provide opportunities for us to communicate with those we love.  Give us courage to talk to our kids about sex.  Give us confidence to talk to our spouses about sex.  Give us strength to reflect on our own sexual desires.  Lord, shine Your light into every area of sex in our lives and allow us to be open and honest about something so beautiful that You created for us to enjoy!  In Jesus' name.  Amen.

Here are some resources I've found helpful:
I just recently started "The Passion Principles" as a study with a small group of women.  Already, I can see it has amazing potential and it certainly provided us with a great discussion and prayer time.  

This is a must have book for every marriage!

This book is great for those, like me, with small children as a way to open up dialogue about their body parts. 


  1. I've apprec the discussions that have come up because of 50 Shades. We definitely need to be more open and honest in our marriages and churches about sex and sexual desires and how God wants us to handle them. So glad you finally said "yes" to writing this post!

  2. Yes, amen! It has definitely opened up a lot of discussion that isn't really talked about much-especially among Christian women! I feel grateful to have a few women in my life who I trust enough to talk about these more sensitive issues, and I pray that other women can have the same thing. If not, then my hope is that every woman would have the confidence to talk to their kids, their spouses and themselves no matter how uncomfortable it may be!

    Blessings to you, Asheritah!